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About time I used this JOURNAL, right?

Always crap at starting a new thing, be it an assignment or or my own personal projects. I just felt like getting this out somewhere, even if it ends up a rambling, incoherent mess.

My birthday was a few weeks ago and it feels like a good time for some reflections; I'm graduating soon and will have to look for work and start the humdrum of adult life in a cubicle relatively early since I really don't have the money to do anything else. Tentatively looking forward to it really, but only since it'll mean a reliable stream of income and a modicum of financial independence.

But it might also mean saying goodbye to my mother.

My mother, who threw herself into online dating and became swept up into it.
My mother, who had a string of partners before finding her current husband.
My mother, who moved in with him LESS THAN THREE MONTHS AFTER DATING.
Who then set a wedding date TWO MONTHS LATER.
Who then kicked us out of the house less than a week later.
Who sold the only home I've had since I was four.
Who barely seems cut up at the lack of communication between us and her right now.

The woman who I will have to sit down and demand better treatment from then what she is giving. Some of the above might have been excusable if handled properly, but No, that didn't happen. Every single one of those points was 'This is what's going to happen so shut up and take it like an adult'

I plan to tell her (when I have found a job), that I think I have to be treated better than this and that if she doesn't want to or thinks that her current behaviour has been appropriate and beyond reproach, I will inform her that then I must cease contact with her for the sake of my own mental health and well-being. She will simply have to live with that, like I have had to live with everything else she had said *looks at list*


mardi khola
Rachel Mason

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